This life we've been given is so much.
I want to do all these things and be all of these people, but when I’m with you I want only that - and I am content in ways that I’ve never felt in my life. Fingers grazing toes, toes grazing sides. Ears leaning towards chests - beating hearts and rapturous thoughts. Our study of tender habit. The desire to do more than just think, to act on what’s possible or impossible and fucking crazy. To act on it all. To say every whim out loud here and now and not care how you come off. Like those walls you had up for years were never built, never seen by anyone else but yourself. It’s natural to be afraid of that - when everything starts to feel too good, too fantastically real - stop. Refocus. Tiny flashes of memory, bright irregular shapes coming into view. Smiling figures beaming joy and anger and uncertainty and loving each other still. That’s what you are and it’s wondrous. Trust in yourself and your heart with a gentle knowing - this person you are and will never be again. This love you have chosen and still choose. The twangy trigger of a guitar melody only he plays. The way he strides unabashedly alongside himself, the certainty in that - I admire so much. When he says something out loud you can hear it in his voice - the soft growl of it, our whispers in warm beds. I could hear him speak for a thousand years and never grow old of it. I will do everything I can to keep his love, even when I can't stand him. Especially then - when he pulls on my nerves I must love him the most. I must always give my love for him out of tenderness and devotion - that kind of love changes people. It changes me daily. - erin -