not one more

The past couple of nights I can't fall asleep. I just lay there - my thoughts racing. I can't find a place peaceful enough to drift off and let go. Something feels wrong. How can there be such ugliness in this dazzling world? How can people not look up at a bursting sky every night and think - I need to cherish every ounce of this? Isn’t that enough?

I will never understand how someone can feel so much hate inside themselves. That word - I've been reading it over and over. Hate. The more I read it the more it starts to sound the same. I have felt hate in ways - long lines at the store, shit drivers, hangovers. The word fits there. What kind of hate instills the desire to end the mystery and perplexity of life for someone else?

Think about every wonderful moment you've ever had. They aren't always remarkable events. Sometimes the soul is stirred more by the little things that come with just being human. This kind of hate doesn't just take that away from that one person it’s targeted at - it infects all those who surround it. It destroys everything. Why would someone be so selfish and hate so much as to steal that away from another person? A person that could be you. 

No, that word does not even scratch the surface anymore. We need a new word. A word we can really make mean enough to stop it from spreading. Nothing quite fits the ticket on what feels like this new ride. This county I do not recognize. I've been trying to place what that word should be. 

I took this picture tonight. I was sitting outside on my balcony alone listening to the city - the birds chasing and falling over my head - and thinking about this word and what it represents and how we can stop this dreadful plague of self righteous hate. I don't know what the answer is. I don't see it in the hundreds of messages I read online a day. I fear for us - but I also want to hope. I think about my life and I feel love, genuine gratitude and respect for other life. A yearning for all those existing bouncing minds in the world next to me to feel that lucky and that loved. All I can think is that we need to stop pointing out our differences and view points and beliefs, and focus on what unites and drives us all. That word can save us.